Again, thank you for stopping here today and reading with me. During the worst of the heatwave - with an inability to open the windows here due to smoky conditions from wildfires one province over - I was suffering minor heatstroke symptoms and could not really do videos or blogposts for Kawaii365 or for Zoo'd Animal Hybrid Friends.
Though it's currently 29*C as I write this, the majority of the recent heatwave is over - yay!! Now back to more regulated Summer temperatures in Red Deer. On Friday, August 10, it got up to 40*C (around what Summer feels like in Nevada).
Thankfully, during this time, we were already at The Sheraton Hotel for our 7th wedding anniversary. It's a romantic staycation we'd been planning for weeks! Gawsh, the air-conditioned room felt fabulous! We were enjoying it until...
The lights went out. Actually, everything did. It was just after 11pm and suddenly, we were in the pitch black. The TV was off, our A/C stopped running, and for a moment we sat in sheer panic. Then, logic began to kick in. I scrambled for the cellphone so we could use the flashlight app. I threw on my robe, Rob threw on a shirt and we crept into the dark hallway and down the dark stairwell... all the while I had the phone's light on, I secretly wished we'd also been filming a video, 'just in case' we caught something paranormal. (I also thought of the Hawkins Lab stairwell from Stranger Things. Boy was I glad we weren't there!).
Anyway, we made it to the front desk and long story short, our keycards needed to be reset so we could get back into the room. The power-out fried the lock, and a repairman had to come fix it. Because it was closer to midnight when we got to go in and sleep, the super-nice lady at the front desk gave us breakfast vouchers for yummy food at the R&R Grill (The Sheraton's finest restaurant).
This turned out to be one of our coolest anniversaries ever! It's great when these things happen, because it gives us memories to reflect on later 💑💖
Now,
I'd like to share some advice for others who are 'young marrieds', married for years already, or are considering marriage. It's okay - sharing our experience isn't snobbery, it's something we like to do at every anniversary (every passing year = more wisdom).
- Firstly, and most importantly, please realize this: When you marry someone, you're not just moving in to 'live with someone'. You're making a commitment to live for someone. This means that every action you take, every decision, and even every comment, will directly affect your partner, which could lead to either good or bad outcomes. It took me a few years to register this, as for a long time, I was making selfish decisions.
- When you communicate, be sensitive to their feelings - this also means that when they snap at you, or yell or say something hurtful, it's because you probably did so first. I've learned this from communicating with Rob for a decade now (we dated for 3 years before marriage). When he snapped at me and my feelings were hurt, it never even dawned on me that I hurt his first. I just defended myself and it led to a cycle where I'd end up crying and he comforted me and then we'd talk it out. Now, I realize that I said the first hurtful comment and apologize, and then we talk about how we can communicate differently.
- See your spouse as a child. No, not in a condescending way. We mean, look upon them with compassion... if your very young kids acted the same way your spouse is acting, you would go easier on them. You would know they're acting out of hurt or frustration, and that their feelings are tender. So, why would you be so mean about your spouse's mistake or emotions? If they are sad, hug them and ask what's wrong. If they are mad, give them space and then be willing to talk about it. If they make a mistake, forgive them.
- Have all the 'hard talks' fairly early in the relationship. Trust us - this will save you a lot of hassle. Start with the financial talks, as these can be embarrassing and frustrating. Be open about your net worth, as well as your 'money personality' and spending habits. Be transparent with your debt. Hiding purchases and lying about income are sure ways to divorce court, so just be honest, dammit! (It took me 6 years of making NO money while trying to sell Avon, and almost breaking up around tax time before I realized my lack of financial education and impulsive money moves were hurting both of us).
- The other 'hard talk' is about final resting places. This one is better suited to shortly after getting married. Though we've been married 7 years, we just recently talked with a funeral director about our final wishes, wills, etc. But since anything could happen to anyone any time (speeding buses, for example), it makes sense to get your financials, legals and everything in place, so you're not struggling with it while dealing with overwhelming grief. It might even make sense to have both of your obits pre-written. And make sure you have access to each other's bank accounts and other assets!
- You married another human being... BUT this doesn't mean you have to deliberately be gross around each other. The science of falling in love, indicates that our brains are 'high' on neurochemicals like Dopamine and Oxytocin, because we love the mystery of this new, attractive person in our lives. Then, the opposite can happen when this 'mysterious person' burps, farts, pees, poops, flosses, trims toenails, picks ears, plays with boogers, pops zits... well, you get the picture. PLEASE respect what your spouse thinks of you, and consciously choose to do these things behind a closed door. We can both guarantee your sex life will be waaaayyyy better if you do :)
- Bathrooms have doors for a reason: Seriously, keep them closed.
- And speaking of sex... Don't dismiss it's importance in such an intimate relationship. This one is especially for the wives out there. Marriage is the most intimate bond that 2 human beings can choose to have (babies don't choose their existence or bond with parents). And, when you're married and committed to one another, there is no one else on this planet that you're having physical intimacy with. So don't put this special time together, on a back burner - and definitely DON'T use it as a weapon against each other. Also, don't be shy about experimenting - this could be anything from introducing adult toys, to role-playing, to just switching positions... whatever it is you do, do it together and enjoy all the connecting. Appreciate it.
- And speaking of intimacy... it's not all just physical. One of the most beautiful things about marriage, is that this other human is your very best friend. That means they know you inside out, they've seen your worst and love you anyway, they'd (probably) do anything for you, and they call you on your bullsh*t. You can laugh together, cry together, and everything in between. So don't 'give yourself emotionally' to someone outside the marriage. Did you know? The #1 cause for affairs isn't sex or attractiveness; it's one partner seeking a sense of intimate belonging that they no longer feel in the marriage. So always be 'there' for your spouse!
- Know when someone else is flirting with you, and don't give in. Rob & I have a way of monitoring our current co-workers & friends, to ensure nothing inappropriate is going on. He is as cute as a button on a bug, and I'm not the only girl whose noticed. Sometimes, female customers flirt with him at work. Thankfully, we discuss it. I do the same when a male customer, co-worker or stranger flirts with me. We're flattered, but being aware of the danger to our marriage, we approach the situation together as a team. This may mean visiting each other regularly during the day, or even using the block feature on facebook.
- Decide early in the relationship, who does what. It is true that ideally, both partners would be responsible for the bread-winning, working the finances, child-rearing, and doing all the housework and meals. But in reality, this leads to fighting. So, with Rob being as awesome as he is with numbers, he is the main financial guy (he keeps me up to date on our savings, points systems, bills, etc.) and I am in charge of the cleaning and meals. This way, we stay out of each other's domain. If our marriage were a business, he'd be the CFO (chief financial officer), I'd be the COO (chief operating officer), and together, we'd share the CEO job.
- Choose positivity over negativity; especially around your spouse. We're all guilty of bringing home complaints to our spouse, whether about family, work, or friends... and then it becomes a cycle. In fact, when we don't become aware of our negativity, it can even cause our spouse to avoid us (45 minutes in the bathroom?). Remember that your spouse married you, because they love spending time with you. When dating you, they found you fun, charming, sweet & caring. So where did that person go? Make sure to share at least 75% positivity when with your spouse, and save the negativity for a journal, or - if really bad - maybe a counsellor. I suffer from a few neurological disorders, and for a long time I'd talk into the night about my burdens, while Rob was trying to sleep. When I realized how disrespectful I was being, I started getting really into journaling about my issues. This way, I'm more fun to Rob :)
So thank you for sitting through my novel-type writing (too much coffee?). Your patience is appreciated... and please heed this advice, it's really important if you're to stay with your one true love.
❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣❣
Now that the heatwave is mainly over, I have energy back and don't feel as sick. This means that now you can watch for more fun blogposts coming here - and to Zoo'd Animal Hybrid Friends - soon!
(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ ≧◡≦
*2016 anniversary post here
*2017 anniversary never seems to have gotten posted.
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